Fungus Balls II: Return of the Balls of Especially Filthy Fungus

Greetings readers (both of you).  This is the Urglurg, returning to public life after a brief stint in several institutions (of art and mental stability).  And the hospital when Emmo realized that her arrival at my house was not acknowledged by the throwing of Starbursts (similar in execution to the throwing of confetti at weddings).
In lieu of a list of thrilling events that have happened to me since my last guest post, I shall instead invite you on a magical, somewhat random (okay, really random) trip to a little plot of moon.  Aka http://www.devinsmoonplot.piczo.com/?cr=6.  Here you shall witness the epic battle between Zombies and Gnomes.  Kingdoms will fall, friendships shall be torn, and the Urglurg shall fall for an impossible love of...orange peels?  Thus is the prophesy of which Emmo speaks.

Emmo will be blue. The god of Devin's moon plot has spoken. I find myself back at la casa de Urglurgburgfemurg once again. It's been years. Bling! That's really exciting. If I accidentally happen to brush my knuckles ever so gently against the *beautiful* face of the Urglurg herself, it will leave an imprint! Huzzah!
In related news, I have found new man meat. Yes! Man meat! Be happy for Emmo.

*Urglurg takes keyboard*

And by man meat she means boy meat.  Considering his lack of a car and facial hair, or the ability to acquire either. 

*Emmo snatches back the keyboard as The Ungrateful Urglurg tends to the very recent "imprints" hiding amongst her facial hair*

*Emmo wins brief tussle over control of the keyboard*

*Emmo is accused, but not convicted of armed robbery of the keyboard*

*The Urglurg types under Emmo's wenis*

And by armed robbery she means hitting me repeatedly with her arm.

*Emmo beats Urglurg senseless with a shoehorn*

Remind me to buy a spiked collar (with the spikes pointing in, of course) for that creature. She has just recently informed me of the fact that she has been given a ferret. And she didn't tell me. She also named him Mr. Nibbles. Without consulting me. This is a clear violation of the rules we set down when the higher-ups granted us permission to live in adjacent cells.

The rules were declared null and void when she used tied me to Maggie as a distraction so as to escape from her cell.

I had a perfectly good reason for doing so. She was holding me back. I had big doin's to accomplish out there in the real world full of people who are not required to wear locator cuffs on their ankles and who eat real lasagna that does not come from a can. My escape plan failed, but only because the Urglurg decided to start crying like a baby when i took away her favourite spoon. The guards were alerted and I was escorted back to my cell in the most uncomfortable white jacket.

Actually, I started crying like a baby because Maggie started to chew off my face and left foot simultaneously.  It was a very troubling experience. 

Maggie is very talented. She never gets recognition for her efforts. She can 2-dimentionalize any object by simply sitting on it. That is a talent Superman himself would be envious of. I'm sure it would come in handy.
Random tangent: My team won the world cup this past week. It was very exciting. My coach even lead a tribal dance around the pitcher's mound. I got my picture taken with the pope, too. He told me not to worry about what the other teams might say, and that they were just jealous. He's my buddy.
Hmm. What else to say. Oh! The Urglurg got me a present! Yes, you heard right! We're friends now. We bonded over a cold cup of coffee and a scone. It was a nice afternoon.

That's code for: I ate her scone and drank her Caribou Cooler while professing an interest in recieving weekly offerings. 

She's that kind of person. But i am able to withstand her presence for an increased incriment of time. Also, i have bequeathed my last pair of BAGs. B.A.G.s stands for Boys Athletic Gaucho(s). We like to wear them not as a shout-out to our athletic transvestite friends, but because we like them. They are comfortable.

This concludes our blog for today. Next time i kidnap her and bring her back to this deserted island, we'll post again. Til then!

~Emmo

Except knowing her I'll have to do all the planning for my own kidnapping.

BUT it shall be worth it to be apart of another blog.  Tootles, the  Urglurg.

Thunder! Lightening! Bullfrogs! Oh my!

Hullo to both of the people who read this blog! I haven't posted in a really long time...since the beginning of sophomore year, actually. It is now the summer of my junior year. That's right, I am now officially an upperclassman. Holla!

In an effort to make this post more interesting, i will highlight random words in random colours.

One (or both) of you may ask, what do I intend to do with my newfound power? And so I answer you: I vow now to use my powers for good, to help underclassmen when they are being bullied, to assist in the removal of the heads of freshmen from the insides of the toilet bowls, and to tear down any "Platform 9 3/4" signs that may mysteriously find their way onto the unexplained door-shaped hollow brick wall near the commons. I take a vow of hospitality and of humility as I accept this newfound power.

And now, an IQ test! Which of you believed me? What? Neither of you did? Aww. I thought I could lie well. I guess not. Evil face! As a junior, heaven knows how many people will check into the local psychiatric ward because of me. I wonder if they would name a wing of their building after me if I asked them very nicely? Sigh. A girl can dream.

My house was recently struck by thunder. A few minutes ago, actually. There is an impressive storm meandering it's way over here as we speak. WCCO.com even awarded it the coveted magenta dot on its radar. I hope this means the power will go out. I like it when the power goes out. It gives me an excuse to use my monkey lantern. It looks like this:

I named him Raanan. It means "fresh" in Hebrew. Look at that face. Doesn't it just scream FRESH to you? No? Maybe if I gave him some bling...and a crown! Crowns make everyone look fresh.

Now THAT is fresh. If only they sold monkey-sized flav-a-flav...I would never sleep. Maybe it's better they don't.

On a completely unrelated note, I have recently named my phone. His name is Sebastian. I named him thus due to the picture of a clay owl currently adorning the front of it. He has a space helmet. Also, I lose my phone a lot, so I can now come charging upstairs, waving my arms wildly and demanding to know if anyone has seen Sebastian. It is immensely satisfying, if you do it right. 

Tomorrow, I am going to hang out with Ryan again. Yes, Ryan! Hi Ryan! You know what that means...mystery meat and video games! I also might possibly get a bellybutton piercing, or end up in the Bahamas. You never really know with Ryan. 

A list of things that have not changed since I posted last time:

• I still do not have my driver's license
• My iPod is still my reason for living
• I am still on Facebook religiously 
• I still live and breathe duct tape
• I am still female
• I still have the same number of teeth
• I have still successfully avoided mowing the lawn

Otherwise, my life has been lacking in thrilling-ness. Next post will be more interesting, I promise! Probably because I will be typing it whilst playing keep-the-laptop-away-from-the-Urglurg at her house. 

Until next time! 

Emmo